


The soul and the heart

by lomku



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Ghosts, Happy, I'll add tags as I write, Major character death - Freeform, Natasha and Tony are dead but not really, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Retrospective, Sad, but happy, but not really, it's more like... peaceful?, this is a sad fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-02-29 00:27:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18767446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lomku/pseuds/lomku
Summary: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR AVENGERS: ENDGAME----------------------------The world mourns after the events of Endgame, and Natasha and Tony watch.They realise they were more loved than they ever could have thought.EDIT: on indefinite hiatus.





	1. Natasha

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers ahead, if that wasn't already obvious.

She was floating, weightless.

Actually, she was falling. To her death.

But in those few moments before her body would crunch against the stone, she felt like she was flying.

She hoped Clint would forgive her.

He had to understand. She couldn’t let him waste his one chance of getting his family back.

She kept her eyes trained on Clint, refusing to think about her death.

She hoped the others would bring the vanished back.

Any moment, now.

A split second of agonizing pain, getting the breath knocked out of her lungs, feeling her skull crack.

And then, nothing.

 

* * *

 

 

Natasha woke up with a start.

…What?

Where was she?

_Use your training, widow. Assess._

Environment: Orange sky (?), reflected in the water covering the ground as far as she could see, slight breeze coming from somewhere behind her. Not a living soul in sight.

Check for injuries: Nothing. Clothes intact, no pain, no dizziness.

Conclusion: Several possibilities. Choose the most probable ones:

-She was dead, and this was afterlife.

-She wasn’t dead yet, and this was how her brain spent its last seconds. Some kind of hallucination.

All other possibilities (she was dreaming, had been dreaming all the recent events – the Matrix was actually a thing and when you died you woke up in the real world – she had somehow survived the fall and was in a coma) were neglected.

What now?

She had fulfilled her purpose, her sacrifice had been made.

_I really hope it worked, I’m gonna be pissed if it turns out I committed suicide for nothing._

She figured that the safest option was to assume she was dead. It wouldn’t make sense otherwise to not feel a thing, when she distinctly remembered the feeling of her head breaking open.

_Getting a little morbid here._

She spun around once more, taking her time. She was almost certain that she wasn’t on Vormir anymore, and that she might not even be in her universe. The lightning was eerie. The sky/roof was the same shade of orange everywhere she looked, with no traces of clouds. The water, ankle-high, was almost still, little ripples the only movement.

She couldn’t smell or hear anything, and for a brief moment she panicked, convinced she had lost two of her senses.

But then she heard her own panting and calmed down somewhat.

She hoped food wouldn’t become a problem here.

She put her hand in the water, and was surprised to feel a small current, but no wetness. It wasn’t even cold.

She changed the classification of the fluid from “water” to “mist that looks like water” and sat down.

If she wasn’t dead, the smartest thing to do would be to wait for her rescue.

But it was much more probable she was dead than not.

That left her with absolutely no guidelines.

_Yeah, because that is definitely something that SHIELD trains you for: “What to do after you die: a five step plan”_

Okay. She could freak out, start crying and wishing she was alive.

But that was not her style.

She could walk around, try to find something or someone.

She could also just lie down and sleep.

After all, it was not like she had anywhere to be, right? One of the definite perks of being dead.

She closed her eyes and dreamt.

 

* * *

 

 

_They were all back, smiling incredulously, happy and hoping a little more than one minute ago. But they didn’t know, not yet, what the price had been for the soul stone. Clint looked at them, saw their smiles freeze and disappear as they noticed Nat was missing. Bruce asked him where she was, but he couldn’t say it. It was too raw, too much, too soon. Instead, he let them see his tears, and they understood._

_Eventually, when his tears had dried, when he could speak without breaking down, he told them. How they climbed the mountain, met Red Skull, understood just how Thanos had gotten the stone in the first place. Clint didn’t mention the soft spoken words between Natasha and him. They were personal. He did mention the fight, how they both desperately wanted the other to live._

_He told them of Natasha’s last words: “Let me go. It’s okay.” He told them she had smiled, and his voice broke. He couldn’t tell them of the soul-crushing desperation he had felt when he saw her fall down, down, down, hit the ground, and lie still, like a broken doll._

_They cried with him, each grieving in their own way. Bruce, Steve and Tony were the most affected after him. They had each known her outside of avenging and mourned what they had had with Natasha._

_The funeral was quiet. They erected a simple stone made of white marble with black veins. On the stone, in golden letters, stood:_

_Natasha Romanoff_

_Black Widow_

_1984-2023_

_Around the stone, they placed black widow waterlily dahlias. Her grave was in the park of the compound, near what had been the closest she had had to a family._

_Clint spoke then, thanking her for the time they had had together, all the times she had saved him, thanked her for giving him hope again after five years of numb rage, and finally thanked her for giving her life for the soul stone. They all thanked her and swore her sacrifice would not be in vain._

_After that, they sat by the lake, and Clint couldn’t take it anymore. Thor, still in denial, made him spill what had been on his thoughts since she had died, in a raw, pained whisper._

_“It was supposed to be me.”_

* * *

 

Natasha opened her eyes. That wasn’t a dream. Somehow, she had seen a glimpse of what had happened after the others came back. She felt incredibly sad, seeing how they mourned her, how Clint was ridden with guilt, but happy too, that they had gotten all the stones.

It sure had been weird, to see her own funeral.

A slight change in the current around her made her tense. She stood up and turned towards the disturbance.

A figure was walking towards her.

_So there’s at least another person here. I hope she knows more about this place than I do._

Natasha didn’t move, watching silently as the figure approached. The figure looked female, but alien. Her skin was green, with rich purple hair. She wasn’t making a sound either.

When they were five meters apart, the woman stopped.

“I am Gamora, daughter of Thanos. Who are you?”

Natasha was abruptly reminded of a conversation she had had with Nebula, weeks after she had come from space with Tony and Carol. The blue alien had told her her story, talked about the guardians of the galaxy and about her sister, Gamora, killed by Thanos.

Gamora had also been sacrificed for the soul stone, but five years ago. Or was it _in_ four years? Time travel was complicated.

Natasha answered: “I am Natasha Romanoff, from Earth. I killed myself for the soul stone.”

Gamora didn’t seem surprised. Instead, she asked: “Why?”

Natasha sat down, and Gamora came closer, until they were a meter apart. Then she sat as well and continued: “Tell me what happened since Thanos killed me. I need to know.”

Natasha told her.


	2. Tony

It didn’t hurt, not really.

Or maybe it hurt so much he couldn’t feel a thing. He wasn’t sure.

It was hard to think, everything was so slow, so heavy.

He knew he was dying. Had known from the moment he saw Strange raise his one finger that he would die.

Of course he had incorporated a way for his suit to hold the infinity stones. Preparing for the worst and all that. Or was it called being a futurist? _Who cares._

When he had snapped his fingers, he had felt the enormous surge of power, the raw blast with his hand as epicentre. It had obliterated Thanos and his army, leaving all the others unscathed.

It was over. He had done it.

All the vanished were back, and Thanos would never be a threat again.

Tony was unable to move, could only look as first Rhodey ( _My first friend_ ) and then Peter came to him. The kid ( _He’s alive, thank god, he’ll live_ ) seemed devastated. Tony wanted to tell him that it would be okay, that it was worth it, everything was worth it just to see the kid alive again, but he couldn’t. His lips wouldn’t form the words. He sighed softly, tried to show with his gaze how much he loved him.

Then Pepper. Brave, kind, generous, gorgeous, courageous Pepper. Pepper who had always known that one day he would go into battle and never come back. Pepper who despite that, had stayed with him, married him, given him some of his best memories. His wife, the mother to their child. Pepper who had fought beside him.

She knew the moment she saw him that nothing would save him.

He saw it in her eyes, in her sad smile, in the way her hand rested above his heart.

She had always been so understanding. Even now, she knew what would put him at ease, what would erase his last doubts. As she told him that Morgan and she would be alright, he felt a deep sense of peace.

_They will go on without me. I’ve done my part._

“You can rest now.”

He slipped away into darkness as she kissed his cheek.

 

* * *

 

 

The first thing he noticed was the lack of feeling. The second was the orange glow that seemed to come from his right hand. The third was that he was floating in the air.

_Huh. Is this the afterlife? I thought I’d just…disappear._

Slowly, he looked at himself. He was clothed in a tank top and loose jeans. His right hand was indeed glowing orange, and after some careful examining he saw that there were burn scars on his whole arm, likely going up to his face and down his side. The scars were glowing.

_Hmm. That’s…weird._

Tony looked around then, and understood he was in an endless white space.

_Is this the Matrix?!_

Tony tried to summon a cheeseburger, but nothing happened, to his slight disappointment.

“Stark. Good to see you.”

Turning around, Tony took in the familiar figure. Yinsen looked just like he had in the Cave. The man was smiling, looking up at Tony with his dark eyes. Tony didn’t know what to say. What _could_ he say? Since his first flight as Iron Man, he had tried to honour the dying wish of the doctor. Had it been enough? Or would Yinsen be disappointed?

“I’ve watched you, Stark. I’ve seen what you’ve done, what you’ve sacrificed. You are a good man. A long time ago, you told me you had no one. But that is not true anymore. You left a loving family behind. They will remember you and cherish your memory.”

Tony felt his throat constrict.

“Yinsen… did..did I..”

“You didn’t waste your life, Stark.”

Tony looked at the doctor, tears in his eyes.

“Thank you for saving my life, Yinsen. You helped me become a better man.”

“It was my honour.”

Tony closed his eyes and fell into darkness.

 

 

* * *

 

 

This time, he was standing ankle-deep in water. The sky was orange, glowing in the same way as his right side. Everywhere he looked, he saw the same landscape.

There was a small current in the water, and a light breeze.

Tony wondered if he could still fly, and willed himself to float upwards.

It worked!

He couldn’t stop himself from making a small whoop of joy.

_At least I’ll get to fly, even without my suit._

Shooting upwards, he admired the view, even if it was frankly monotonous. All this orange…

Tony stopped dead, hovering above the vast expanse of water.

_This is the colour of the soul stone._

Tony couldn’t contain a small spark of excitement. The scientist part of him was wondering about all the possibilities. Was he in the stone? Did the stone keep the souls of the people who died while wielding it? Was he now a prisoner of the stone, or would he be able to get out of it, like a genie and his bottle?

_Oh wow, will people summon me? Like: “Tony Stark, I summon you to help me build my potato gun”?_

_Or wait, am I a_ ghost _?_

_Or maybe I was shrunk down and I’m literally between the atoms of the stone?_

But more importantly, was he alone?

He flew higher up, still seeing nothing but water.

He wondered if this would be like a planet, or just and infinite box.

He wondered how long he would stay in this place.

Only time would tell.

Tony picked a random direction and flew, relishing in the wind around him, marvelling at the sheer impossibility of what was happening.

He was so caught up in the sensation of utter freedom that he almost missed the two darker specks in the sea of orange.

Were those… people?

He dived until he could distinguish two female figures. They stood up and watched him descend, but he was still too far away to see their faces. One of them looked like a human, but the other had green skin and purple hair.

When he was only a couple metres away, he slowed down and hovered above them.

He couldn’t supress his gasp when he saw that one of the women was Natasha.

Judging by the sharp intakes of breath underneath him, he wasn’t the only surprised one.

He landed silently and looked at them. They seemed well-rested and peaceful.

_At least the green one doesn’t look like she might attack me on sight._

Said green woman took a step forward and presented herself:

“I am Gamora, daughter of Thanos. You must be Tony Stark, the Fleet Destroyer.”

_The fleet detroy- oh, she meant the Chitauri fleet!_

He grinned: “People on Earth call me Iron Man. Pleased to meet you. Star-Lord told me about you when we first met. Well, _met_ is more like an euphemism. They just jumped us on Titan yelling about you. Weren’t you sacrificed for the soul stone?”

“I was, too. Weren’t you?” Natasha asked.

“Uhhh. Not really? I just died after wielding all the stones. Or at least I _think_ I died.”

He was met by two blank stares.

“Yeah, so how about I explain what happened after you… were gone?” He asked Natasha.

Both women nodded, in the exact same way. To be honest, it was kind of creepy. Was Gamora also a super-assassin?

_At least she can’t kill you, since you’re already dead._

On that cheerful thought, Tony told them what had happened: the successful retrieval of the stones, Bruce bringing back the vanished, not-Nebula bringing 2014 Thanos and his army to Earth, the fight, and the disintegration of Thanos and his minions by yours truly.

When he was done, Natasha smirked and said:

“So you’re telling me you _single-handedly_ saved the universe?”

_Damn it! How could I have missed this golden opportunity for a pun?_

Gamora just raised an eyebrow.

“I never would’ve thought a human could wield the stones. When _we_ touched the power stone, we almost died. Well. You _did_ kill Thanos.”

“No hard feelings, right? I know he was your dad and all, but from what Nebula told me I assume that you weren’t on the best of terms?”

_Please don’t kill me please don’t kill me please don’t kill me_

“If I had gotten the chance, I would have killed him myself. Thank you, Stark.”

Tony let out the breath he’d been holding.

“Great. No problem. Kind of had a grudge myself, to be honest.”

There was still a lot Tony wanted to say, but he wanted to say it to Natasha, and Natasha only.

Tony looked at Natasha, then Gamora. The latter threw him a knowing look and said:

“I’ll give you two some privacy.”

She walked away then, leaving Natasha and Tony to themselves.

“Nat…”

“Come here, Tony.”

He stepped forward, opening his arms to give her a long-due hug, and…

…he phased right through her.

_What?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...oops?


	3. Tony again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> headcanons ahead!! You'll have a lot of these from now on.

What?

_What?_

Tony whirled around, reaching out to Natasha. She held her hand up, and where their fingers were supposed to meet, his fingers simply disappeared through hers.

_Well, the theory that I’m a ghost is getting more plausible by the second._

“Okay, so we agree that I just went through you, right? I’m not hallucinating any of this, am I?”

“You’re not. That’s weird, though. I could touch Gamora just fine.”

“Huh. Maybe it’s because I didn’t die the same way you did?”

It was the only explanation. Didn’t mean it made sense, though. Why would Tony not be material?

_Hey, wait._

“Natasha, I didn’t mention it before, but I met Ho Yinsen before getting here. He was the man who saved my life in Afghanistan.”

She seemed startled.

“I just woke up here. The only others I’ve met are Gamora and you.”

Why had Tony met Yinsen then? Or was it just a dream? It felt real, though.

And he couldn’t explain how he had switched between Earth, the white place, and this place. He had just closed his eyes, and then-

_Maybe I change dimensions or something when I close my eyes?_

“Nat, weird question, have you closed your eyes in this place?”

“Yes. Then I dreamt about my funeral. No, it wasn’t a dream. I saw my own funeral.”

“Wow. That’s…. Ok.”

That was even weirder. Maybe their consciences travelled back and forth between those two worlds?

“Uh… was the tombstone okay?”

Natasha smiled at him.

“You couldn’t have done better, Tony. And I know you’re the one who chose the emplacement and the flowers. Thank you, it was exactly how I would have wanted it.”

Tony felt a strange sense of warmth from these words. Natasha and him had always had a special relationship, but the knowledge that she liked what he had done for her was comforting.

After the Civil War, Natasha and Tony had fallen out. He had felt too betrayed to reach out first, and had waited for her to make the first move. Natasha, on her part, didn’t want to risk getting caught by contacting Tony. They hadn’t spoken for two years when Thanos attacked. It was only after the Decimation, when Carol had brought back Tony and Nebula, that they started mending their relationship.

It had started with Natasha leaving a “Get well soon” card at Tony’s bedside. After his breakdown and consecutive passing out, he had been bedridden for two weeks. At first, Tony had only accepted Pepper, Nebula and Rhodey in the room, wanting nothing to do with the others. He had still been bitter about the Civil War, and found it hard to talk to Bruce and Thor, who had not been present for the debacle. But when he saw the card that Natasha had snuck in, he couldn’t resist opening it. In the card was a single sentence: “Sorry about the kid.”

After that, he had called for Natasha. They had had a quiet conversation, where both of them explained their reasoning and actions during the Civil War. Neither of them had made excuses, but the fact that they were finally honest with each other helped them heal the biggest wounds. Then Tony had talked about Peter, and Natasha had talked about her time as a rogue avenger.

The conversation itself had barely lasted more than an hour, but after that, they had kept in contact. Natasha had been one of the bridesmaids at Tony’s wedding. He had given her free reign at the compound, understanding her need to make a difference, even if he couldn’t stand the sight of the buildings embodying his failure. He had fled from the world, living in his little farm and tinkering in the workshop.

The first days after the Decimation had constituted of trying to avoid more casualties. Patients in need of critical operations; orphaned children; passengers of airplanes and boats; babies; people who were dependent on other people, all of them had needed to be found and helped. Tragically, a lot of planes had crashed, road accidents had been in the thousands, and hospitals had lost many patients. After a few weeks, when the world had recovered from the initial shock, the painstaking but necessary work of counting and naming the casualties had begun. In the end, 63% of Earth’s population had died. There were websites listing the Vanished and the unfortunate ones who had died as a consequence of Thanos’s snap. It had taken at least a year for everything to go back to a semblance of normalcy. Fortunately, countries had been more focused on not collapsing, trying to manage food shortage and electricity cuts, than continuing waging wars. Most of the countries had decided to help each other, with the exceptions of a few dictatures. Trading agreements had been made, humanitarian help had been sent.

With the Decimation, Stark Industries had lost more than a third of their personnel. They had had to close almost half of their facilities and the loss had been consequential. Of course, every other business had suffered the same kind of losses, so SI was still the leading tech conglomerate. Pepper had put enormous effort in keeping SI afloat, working even more than before. Tony had tried to help, to support, but it had taken him months to recover from the devastation of what he considered his failure. The fact that he had nearly died hadn’t helped either. He had been almost paralyzed with guilt. Guilt about not being able to stop Thanos, guilt about not doing anything to save Peter, guilt about being the reason Strange had given away the time stone.

It wasn’t until Pepper had announced she was pregnant that things had gone up again for Tony. He had picked himself up, promising to himself that their kid would have a good father. And to be that he needed to keep his shit together. The birth of Morgan had been one of the best days of Tony’s life, right beside his wedding, Dum-E’s birth, the day JARVIS first spoke, and flying for the first time in Mark II. He hadn’t been able to stop crying, overwhelmed by this life that he had helped birth. That little baby, weighing just over 3 kg, was already the most important being in his life. He knew that day that he had gotten his second chance, and vowed to himself he would treasure it.

Tony had stayed at home to be there all day to raise Morgan. He had been hyper aware of everything he said and did in front of and to Morgan the first months, not wanting to act like Howard. That had been a fear with Peter, and even more so with Morgan. But one day, after Rhodey had spent the day at the farm, his old friend had put him aside and told him he was the best dad that Morgan could ever have. Tony would be lying if he said he hadn’t cried a little bit. After that, he had been more relaxed, acting around Morgan as he had done before, but with less second-guessing. He had ultimately developed a loving relationship with Morgan, full of declarations of love and witty banter. He knew she was very bright, certainly at least as intelligent as him, and he hoped, maybe even more. She was also smart, caring and brave, like her mother. She was perfect.

Natasha had come over to their little house regularly over the years. They had developed an easy friendship. Of course, he had always thought that Natasha had never really accepted their defeat, but he understood why she felt that way. He had managed to accept it, even if some nights he desperately tried to find a solution, an equation, _anything_ to bring Peter back. Both of them had dealt with the grief differently, and he wasn’t about to judge her.

The day that Natasha had showed up with Steve and Scott, he had been surprised and wary. Steve and he hadn’t exchanged more than a few words after Tony’s breakdown, and Tony had thought that Scott was dead. And then, _then_ , they had talked to him about time travel. Tony had been upset about their surprise visit and how they only came to him because they wanted something of him. He had seen the slight pity in Steve’s eyes and knew that they thought him afraid. And he _had_ been afraid. Afraid of what it would mean, afraid of what it could cost him, afraid _for_ Morgan and Pepper. And he had wanted so much to just let it lie, dismiss it as an impossibility, but it had kept nagging at him during the evening, long after they had been gone. Finally, when he had seen the picture of Peter and him, he had given in. Maybe, just _maybe_ , he could save Peter. And that meant that he should at least give it a try.

That night, he had invented time travel.

He had been stunned when the words SIMULATION SUCCESSFUL had appeared. Not believing his luck (or his genius, but what was the difference?), left breathless with what it entailed, freezing in fear and anticipation. After putting Morgan to bed, he had approached Pepper. He had promised to let the suit lie, hadn’t been Iron Man in five years. Had promised to keep no secrets from her.

He had told her everything, and she had understood that now that bringing everybody back was within reach, he wouldn’t be able to turn his back to it. She had asked him if he would be able to rest, knowing that he could _help_ and not doing anything. She had looked at him with a quiet resignation, knowing before he had known that the answer was no.

That night, they had loved each other slowly and reverently. It had been a goodbye to their five-year respite and the blissful calm they had shared. He had promised her Morgan would be alright, but had known better than promising he would come back. Pepper had only smiled, eyes watery, and kissed him.

The next day, Tony had taken the Audi and driven to the compound.

The rest was, as you say, history.

And here he was, dead but not really, somehow talking to Natasha.

“I’m glad you liked it.”

Nat smiled at him, sitting down and patting the water beside her. He sat as well, or, more likely, hovered a few centimetres above ground. They sat in silence, thinking about everything that had happened, the incredible set of circumstances that had led them to this moment.

“Do you want to try to close your eyes and see what happens?”

Tony turned to Natasha, thinking it over.

“Honestly, I’m afraid I’ll just wake up somewhere else, and not be able to get back here. Or worse, maybe I’ll just disappear and die for real,” he admitted.

“You’ll never know if you don’t try. If it helps, I came back here after seeing my funeral, so I think you’ll come back as well.”

“I don’t really want to do it right now. Can’t we just… talk for a while?”

“All right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments make my day. If you have ideas or suggestions, please tell them! I'm kind of making this up as I go :D


End file.
